you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
