I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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