I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
