they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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