Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
