I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
