How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the condom got lost in my hair
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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