This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
