She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
