Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
