I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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