her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize