reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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