I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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