Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
