break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
