Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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