i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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