Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize