have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize