Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize