in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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