I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
