I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
