Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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