DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
