She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
