Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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