I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
