Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
