were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
