I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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