She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
