the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
