a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
