you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
