I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
