booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Randomize