Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
