I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
