He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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