There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize