it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize