By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
