He passed out mid-signature
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
