Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
