Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
