When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize