when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
A bitchslap is in order.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
