god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
