...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
