I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's Friday. Sex?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
