He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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