i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
