You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
