You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
