OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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