Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
