i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
