He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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