you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
