I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
