Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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