You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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