My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
