Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
