you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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