You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
