my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
