well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
