i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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