omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
