Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
