You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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