The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize