i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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