Can Purell be used as lube?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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