Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
