The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He better not be in your backpack
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize