Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
