Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
