using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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