Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Please don't give away my fajitas
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
