home. puking in laundry basket.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
