you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
