Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize